MLB to Implement Use of Robotic Fans for Post-Season

In an attempt to integrate more technology into the game, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced on Tuesday the use of robotic fans starting in the 2012 postseason.

“We can no longer deny that technology in the world around us has changed and we can use it to enhance the game, even in a traditional sport like baseball,” said Selig, who had just woken up from his mid-morning nap, “It is clear that there is no use in resisting the use of robots any longer.”

Selig, who has received criticism in his tenure over failures to address the Steroid Era, the Black Sox Scandal, and letting that All-Star Game end in a tie, said the use of robotic fans would usher in a new era that would put MLB at the forefront of technology in sports.

“Some people thought using computers to track the strike zone would be enough, but after consulting with the On-field Play Committee we came to the conclusion that it would be a better option to eliminate the problem at its root: with the fan,” said Selig.

Details are still sketchy on how the plan will be implemented, but no teams are permitted to sell any playoff tickets to entities possessing souls. The line of robots for each team is being rush-manufactured in Japan, with the first shipments expecting to arrive in America just before the post-season in early October.

In addition to the robots, it is expected that higher-end appliances will favor the Yankees and the Red Sox while lower-end brand products—such as those made by Wal-Mart’s Great Value—will take the place of Royals and Mariners fans.

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